Somewhere far away from here lay my mind
my heart cut in half
now locked in a box and left behind
never think I can change my mind
I've stepped out to another place
into another time
The things I do I know seems wrong
if I could change I would sing you a song
I want the world to hate me as I hate them
Right the world of never
To replace them
I've seen love once
Now so far away
trapped in this black box
locked up
the key is so far away
20081208
20081102
SFC Carl C. Little
We're looking for him (my wife Jackie and I). Has anyone out there seen him? He's a hard man to forget!Last we saw him, he was with HHB 4/5 ADA, (Scout Platoon, 14J), Fort Hood, Texas, 1st Cav Div. I left for Germany, he went somewhere else. I heard he went back to Ft. Hood and ended up with 4ID
He's the reason I am who I am today. The reason I took the Army so seriously. A great role model and friend. The reason I'm not still in my drunken stupor or probably in jail. The reason Jackie and I are together.
We just want him to know we are still together, still strong, and we have 2 beautiful daughters.
SFC Little, Thank You for being there for me, even when I thought I could go it alone. I hope you're still out there kicking people in the ass and making them a better soldier.
If you are out there, we'd love to hear from you.
20081003
NO NEW POEMS SINCE MID-2006
Unfortunatly, nothing as of yet has been a new write since around the middle of 2006. Just simply haven't had the time.
Not that there's nthing to write about....because there always is. Mind costantly goes 90 to nothing. Like 50-billion light bulbs all pointed at me...that Hum you hear...that's me. That is what I hear all the time. Those are my thoughts. Constant. I wish there could be a dull moment!
I will post new poems if there are some. I will give any dates they were written if I know them, at the end of the poem. Most likely the dated ones are because my wife dated them. I don't date them. Of course, they won't be in dated order so...just read.
I never really intended on keeping them. I write them down to get them out of my head and after that I'm okay if they go in the trash. My wife has actually taken some out of the trash before!
She believes they should be kept. Marked as part of Me. Because at some point this IS who I was, maybe somewhere, who I still am, in a way.
I'm working on it.
Not that there's nthing to write about....because there always is. Mind costantly goes 90 to nothing. Like 50-billion light bulbs all pointed at me...that Hum you hear...that's me. That is what I hear all the time. Those are my thoughts. Constant. I wish there could be a dull moment!
I will post new poems if there are some. I will give any dates they were written if I know them, at the end of the poem. Most likely the dated ones are because my wife dated them. I don't date them. Of course, they won't be in dated order so...just read.
I never really intended on keeping them. I write them down to get them out of my head and after that I'm okay if they go in the trash. My wife has actually taken some out of the trash before!
She believes they should be kept. Marked as part of Me. Because at some point this IS who I was, maybe somewhere, who I still am, in a way.
I'm working on it.
Solo
my screams are unheard
I strain and only whispers emerge
my soul longs for freedom
my body longs for pain
under this cloud I sit
and in this cage my mind dissolves
one chance,
one open door
my soul would run for the freedom it longs for
as my body begins to twitch and burn
never will I be one
never alone, always lonely
solo, two and yet, still alone
trapped in this prison
chained to my never ending hate
the rage builds
my eyes bleed
the pain feels so good, the fire so hot
alone I sit
alone I suffer
Solo
I strain and only whispers emerge
my soul longs for freedom
my body longs for pain
under this cloud I sit
and in this cage my mind dissolves
one chance,
one open door
my soul would run for the freedom it longs for
as my body begins to twitch and burn
never will I be one
never alone, always lonely
solo, two and yet, still alone
trapped in this prison
chained to my never ending hate
the rage builds
my eyes bleed
the pain feels so good, the fire so hot
alone I sit
alone I suffer
Solo
My Ride
Silent screams wake me from my sleep.
I try but I still can't speak.
A voice within begins to cry out:
"Help me, hold me, just let me go."
Only a whisper but as loud as a shout.
I walk on water and drown in the air;
Strolling through life backward, with no fear,
Yet too afraid to turn around.
I guess I'm afraid of what I might see.
I have no reflection, no soul to sell.
I'm trapped n Earth, what I believe to be Hell.
Empty, hollow descriptive words of myself;
If only I could get down so I could reach the top shelf.
Once, twice, three times down.
Don't you get it? My smile is my frown.
Someone said to breathe deep, but all my lungs can do is squeak.
Stop this ride or I'm going to be sick.
What's the ride where on the wall you stick?
I can't think, eat or sleep.
How long will this shit last?
Until I can weep.
Still waters run deep;
Listen, there's no water in this fucking creek.
All I'm saying is something's wrong.
You can get up...
Please stop praying.
I try but I still can't speak.
A voice within begins to cry out:
"Help me, hold me, just let me go."
Only a whisper but as loud as a shout.
I walk on water and drown in the air;
Strolling through life backward, with no fear,
Yet too afraid to turn around.
I guess I'm afraid of what I might see.
I have no reflection, no soul to sell.
I'm trapped n Earth, what I believe to be Hell.
Empty, hollow descriptive words of myself;
If only I could get down so I could reach the top shelf.
Once, twice, three times down.
Don't you get it? My smile is my frown.
Someone said to breathe deep, but all my lungs can do is squeak.
Stop this ride or I'm going to be sick.
What's the ride where on the wall you stick?
I can't think, eat or sleep.
How long will this shit last?
Until I can weep.
Still waters run deep;
Listen, there's no water in this fucking creek.
All I'm saying is something's wrong.
You can get up...
Please stop praying.
20080926
My Love For Jackie
One life and one chance to find the love you long for
it seems that it has escaped you for so long
one so called love after another
when you do find what you have been looking for
it dose not even seem real
life is funny that way
what is real does not seem so
sometimes what is false will seem so real to you
your heart knows even when you do not
I found my love my true love
I never thought that life would be so good
a love that just fell into my lap and spun my world out of control
maybe that is how you know
the moment you loose all control of your life and begin to think of their life
all of her needs came before mine
nothing in this world means anything to me
only her being happy and having what she needs and wants
I think that I try too hard sometimes and it only goes wrong from there
my love has never changed for Jackie and never will
we will have our hard times and our good times sure
who does not have theme
I am a little off she would say a lot off
I feel sometimes that when I began taking the medication for my nutty mind
things have shifted for us
maybe its me losing it even more
that is how I feel at times
I just wish that our paths would cross each others sometimes
its not that we are having any real problems
just a shift in the foundation
she once trusted me with all her heart and I know that that is gone
I wish that she would trust me the same
I know I have put myself in the positions that would make her question
but I would never do any thing to ruin what we have
Jackie is my whole life the reason that I am still alive
I was at a point of giving up when we met
kind of funny how that works
I have never thought of ending my own life
but I would have welcomed death at that time
we just connected so fast and for whatever reason we ended up together I don’t care
I am just happy that she chose me to spend her life with
I don’t know how to show her how I love her and that is a problem of mine
my stupid self tries to show love by supporting her
but I need to do things different
I want to try to show her in the ways she wants so bad
I am just afraid to for some reason
I feel as though she may reject me for some reason
at times I feel like she is irritated with me
I don’t blame her I have put her through a lot in our six years together
I am just glad she decided to stay with me
I just hope she feels the same way about me
I love her and that is all I know and I still get nervous every time I kiss her
like a little boy and his first kiss
it’s the best feeling I have felt
all I know is that I love her and respect her more than she knows
she is what holds me together
what keeps me living
it seems that it has escaped you for so long
one so called love after another
when you do find what you have been looking for
it dose not even seem real
life is funny that way
what is real does not seem so
sometimes what is false will seem so real to you
your heart knows even when you do not
I found my love my true love
I never thought that life would be so good
a love that just fell into my lap and spun my world out of control
maybe that is how you know
the moment you loose all control of your life and begin to think of their life
all of her needs came before mine
nothing in this world means anything to me
only her being happy and having what she needs and wants
I think that I try too hard sometimes and it only goes wrong from there
my love has never changed for Jackie and never will
we will have our hard times and our good times sure
who does not have theme
I am a little off she would say a lot off
I feel sometimes that when I began taking the medication for my nutty mind
things have shifted for us
maybe its me losing it even more
that is how I feel at times
I just wish that our paths would cross each others sometimes
its not that we are having any real problems
just a shift in the foundation
she once trusted me with all her heart and I know that that is gone
I wish that she would trust me the same
I know I have put myself in the positions that would make her question
but I would never do any thing to ruin what we have
Jackie is my whole life the reason that I am still alive
I was at a point of giving up when we met
kind of funny how that works
I have never thought of ending my own life
but I would have welcomed death at that time
we just connected so fast and for whatever reason we ended up together I don’t care
I am just happy that she chose me to spend her life with
I don’t know how to show her how I love her and that is a problem of mine
my stupid self tries to show love by supporting her
but I need to do things different
I want to try to show her in the ways she wants so bad
I am just afraid to for some reason
I feel as though she may reject me for some reason
at times I feel like she is irritated with me
I don’t blame her I have put her through a lot in our six years together
I am just glad she decided to stay with me
I just hope she feels the same way about me
I love her and that is all I know and I still get nervous every time I kiss her
like a little boy and his first kiss
it’s the best feeling I have felt
all I know is that I love her and respect her more than she knows
she is what holds me together
what keeps me living
The Knife Within His Back
The knife within his back
the stinging within his spine
the shame for my queen
not of hers, of mine
I feel as a puppet pulled by the strings
left with no choice but to dance
miles away surrounded by kings
partaking of many
lies told the truth known
the shadow grown
the kings of the fort there are many
drinking and laughing with my queen
at nights fall when all has settled
she awakes with one or more strange kings
no love to be found not looking for that
the lies of numbers a fatal flaw
my men march and see all
the truth was told I know most not all
a chance to tell all
a choice to lie
trust now broken
this king made to fall
many miles away he sits and waits
a queen she is
did she choose to partake
a puppet I have been not knowing what is true
a love that has now by lies been cut in two
the knife in his back the tingle in his spine
no pride to fight that left behind
a king made to look like a joker in his own court
let the truth arise come to light
let the king know most of all
his love runs deep deeper than most
therefore this pain will forever be his ghost
the knife within his back the tingle in his spine
the queen’s truths can not be left behind
so many knights at the kings court
so many stories to distort
may the truth shine bright like a star
let this king know his queen and her for who they are
the knife within his back the tingle in his spine
the blood that drips dripping all the time
the stinging within his spine
the shame for my queen
not of hers, of mine
I feel as a puppet pulled by the strings
left with no choice but to dance
miles away surrounded by kings
partaking of many
lies told the truth known
the shadow grown
the kings of the fort there are many
drinking and laughing with my queen
at nights fall when all has settled
she awakes with one or more strange kings
no love to be found not looking for that
the lies of numbers a fatal flaw
my men march and see all
the truth was told I know most not all
a chance to tell all
a choice to lie
trust now broken
this king made to fall
many miles away he sits and waits
a queen she is
did she choose to partake
a puppet I have been not knowing what is true
a love that has now by lies been cut in two
the knife in his back the tingle in his spine
no pride to fight that left behind
a king made to look like a joker in his own court
let the truth arise come to light
let the king know most of all
his love runs deep deeper than most
therefore this pain will forever be his ghost
the knife within his back the tingle in his spine
the queen’s truths can not be left behind
so many knights at the kings court
so many stories to distort
may the truth shine bright like a star
let this king know his queen and her for who they are
the knife within his back the tingle in his spine
the blood that drips dripping all the time
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